EXT. DAY (LS) Rain beats on the rooftops of a swamp shanty town in Sweatmire Province. Midges blur the air above open sewers.
MVO: It is 5 a.m., and this is a big day for Denis.
MVO: Times are difficult in the loincloth business. Sales are down due to the recent invention of a rudimentary form of underpants.
MVO: To make ends meet, Denis must win a key contract supplying loincloths to the swamp world’s highly conservative theocracy.
MVO: To be in with a chance, Denis must make his way by rickshaw to the Archimandrite’s apartments to present his wares.
O’RINGTONE struggles in the rain to haul a tarpaulin over his badly-maintained rickshaw. It tears. He slumps in visible distress.
O’RINGTONE (to camera): I’d be lying if I said days like this weren’t tough. But, you get up and you do it.
EXT. (WS) A swamp, teeming with mosquitoes. O’RINGTONE makes slow progress on his rickshaw, his trailer piled high with samples.
MVO: The Archimandrite is a powerful figure here in Sweatmire Province. He is running the loincloth tender process his way.
MVO: The Archimandrite has insisted that Denis come to his apartments to model his loincloth range personally. Denis is nervous.
EXT. (CU) A roadside food stall. O’RINGTONE pensively nibbles a millipede burrito.
O’RINGTONE: A good breakfast. Sets you up for the day.
EXT. (WS) A crowded slum street. O’RINGTONE shouts and chases after a street urchin, who has stolen some of his merchandise.
EXT. (CU) O’RINGTONE shelters in the doorway of a Starbucks in downtown Sweatmire. He is breathing hard and muddied.
O’RINGTONE: The little fucker took the spangly one. I can open with the tie-dyed one, but that was the clincher. Fuck it, anyway.
EXT. (LS) O’RINGTONE’s rickshaw pulls up at the immense portcullis of the Archimandrite’s residence. He raps tentatively.
INT. (MS) A vestibule. O’RINGTONE is being hosed down by a eunuch.
O’RINGTONE: I have an appointment!
EUNUCH: Silence, wretch!
INT. (CU) An ante-room.
O’RINGTONE (seated on a hard bench, nude): They say I have to wait here until the apothecary clears me.
O’RINGTONE: It’s grand. I have the Big Book of Sudoko that Trundlebert gave me for Christmas. Keeps you sharp, you know.
INT. (LS) A crowded public office in the Archimandrite’s residence. O’RINGTONE is conversing agitatedly through a hatch.
EXT. (MS) The base of a drained moat.
O’RINGTONE (supine): They’re after fucking me out for nits. I’m totally gutted. I can’t–
MVO: The Archimandrite’s apothecary has pronounced Denis unworthy of entry due to infestation. He will not be modelling today.
O’RINGTONE fishes his sudoko book from a puddle at the base of the moat. He hugs his knees, struggling with tears.
O’RINGTONE: I’m sorry, I–can we stop rolling? I just need–
Fade to black.
Paraic O’Donnell 