EXT. DAY (LS), A sand dune on the desert planet Pyrexia. A supine figure is visible. He appears to be sleeping under some palm fronds.
MVO: Another pitiless dawn breaks over the deserts of Pyrexia. For Ivor, it is the third since he was expelled from his village.
Cut to CU of CALVITA’S sleeping face. Something flickers behind a nearby rock. And again. It is the tail of a scorpion.
MVO: Ivor has been stoical about his banishment, but does not accept the ruling of the Council of Elders, claiming it was unjust.
The scorpion emerges unhurriedly from behind the rock. It is black. Its tail is tautly curled. It crawls up CALVITA’s arm to his chest.
MVO: Ivor was accused of the theft of camel’s milk from a leper. He insists, however, that the milk ration was a gift.
MVO: Since the leper is blind, deaf and lacks a tongue, he was unable to testify before the Council of Elders. However, an eyewitness did.
The scorpion is poised on CALVITA’S forehead. The sun has risen further. We see beads of sweat on his face. He scratches his cheek, stirs.
MVO: Ivor has been sentenced to forty years of banishment in the deserts of equatorial Pyrexia. His cobbler’s licence has been suspended.
The scorpion strikes suddenly and viciously, driving its sting deep into the tip of CALVITA’S nose. CALVITA awakens with a scream of pain.
Cut to LS. We see CALVITA thrashing frantically on the dune as he tries to free himself of the scorpion. His movements become erratic.
MVO: The sting of the Pyrexian Black Scorpion is not always fatal. However, it affects the central nervous system, resulting in seizures.
LS: CALVITA jerks spasmodically. A dark stain forms on the sand beneath him. He yodels involuntarily.
Dissolve to LS, the same dune. The sun is now directly overhead. CALVITA is on all fours, retching and shivering. He farts uncontrollably.
Dissolve to LS, the same dune. The sun is setting. CALVITA lies almost still, panting and twitching slightly. He tries to hum. He sobs.
EXT. NIGHT (CU). CALVITA (to camera): The little cunt, like. Last thing you need. Jaysis. Yesterday was hysterical, today is a matinée.
CALVITA: See, scorpions have an agenda like everybody else. You can say that was random or whatever, but I’m a long time around the place.
CALVITA: As I said to the Council of Elders: I’ll leave no stone sunburned to clear my name, kind of thing. I said it better on the day.
CALVITA: That leper wanted me to have his ration of camel’s milk because I was after helping him out with something. That’s me all over.
CALVITA: Well, I’m sunburned all over, yeah, and there’s a bit of swelling. But charity, I mean. Charity begins in a home, they say.
CALVITA: Anyway, the thing about it is: Ivor Calvita will be back. He will return. Non-refundable. No fecking deposits.
CALVITA: Anyway, come here till I ask you. What’s good for scorpion stings? Would you have a slash into your hand? Or is that jellyfish?
EXT. (LS) the same dune. We see CALVITA in silhouette against the setting sun. His hand is cupped beneath his groin. He hums show tunes.